Title: Chains and Chocolate
Length: Short story
Author's Blurb
Marie Jones met her husband Neil on the internet 3 years ago. Six months ago, she fulfilled her ultimate dream. She moved to England and they were married.
Marie has always had a secret desire to be a submissive to her perfect Dom. In their short relationship, Marie coaxed her hubby into her dream and after heavy training. Neil is the perfect Sir to Marie’s kitten. At first Neil was hesitant, he saw BDSM as a depraved activity, a harsh sexual reality that he wanted no part of. After realizing it brought him closer to his wife, he embraced it, the rewards glorious.
Now they are about to begin a journey of discovery. Neil has created the perfect playroom, his ‘Dungeon’. Join them in their first ever true scene together as the BDSM lifestyle takes them into a new beginning together.
Marie is about to find out just how good her husband is as he takes control for the first full scene and takes her down to his dungeon to chain her to a bench, followed by a covering of melted chocolate for dessert.
What I Thought
The positive points:
The descriptions of the various BDSM implements were thorough. The melted chocolate was particularly well-described, and by the time the short story was over, I wanted to eat some chocolate.
The negative points:
There were run-on sentences and comma splices in nearly every paragraph. The grammar was poor, and the plot was non-existent. The depiction of a husband and wife trying out their new "dungeon" had no tension, no suspense, and no interest. There was nothing about either Marie or Neil to hold the reader's attention even for a single page, let alone for the 20+ pages of this short story. Despite the story's brevity, the repetition of certain phrases, particularly those describing Marie's enormous breasts, caused the already dragging story to stall even further. Though the story was under 30 pages, it felt much longer. Reading about Neil's demands for a "soapy wank" was neither arousing nor erotic. The attempts by the author to give the story verisimilitude by giving the couple a school-age child failed. The mentions of Lucy, the daughter, jarred. That Neil and Marie had to pick Lucy up from school in three hours' time served to end their "scene" and the story in a timely fashion, but that was all. Anything, any sort of appointment, would have done for that, without bringing in the extraneous Lucy. The statement that Marie's decision not to breastfeed had worked "in her favor" by allowing her to keep her perfect (and enormous) breasts was not only factually inaccurate, it shifted the focus of the scene from "Marie as submissive lover" to "Marie as mother", hardly a beneficial alteration. There was no payoff in eroticism for any of these flaws.
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