Saturday, October 26, 2013

What is domination?


It is a word that I see more and more often in the romance genre, but rarely do I see it actually illustrated or taken to its logical end.

Do not mistake me. I am not objecting to the concept. I fully understand the appeal. The ultra-masculine “alpha” qualities possessed by “Dom” heroes are attractive ones, from the supreme confidence to the protectiveness to the possessiveness, and due to the growing popularity of the BDSM sub-genre, it is clear that I am not the only one to find the domination appealing.

But they always pull their punches.

This is not to say that there are not graphic depictions of all sorts and levels of Dom/sub relationships, but I have never read any that actually portrays the final step, the ultimate in domination. There are all sorts of stories about collaring, about sadomasochism, about spanking, even about Total Power Exchange (which is where the Dom assumes all authority over the sub). But never the ultimate.

And what is that? Impregnation.

Those artists and their fanciful renditions!

Oh, there are stories where the heroine gets pregnant, even stories where she gets pregnant accidentally, it not having been planned but by the failure/forgetting of some sort of birth prevention. But I have never read any story wherein the hero simply chose to impregnate the heroine and did so, without asking and/or begging her first.

How manly...where can I get one?

But “her body, her choice”! But “feminism”! But – but nothing. The whole point of the Dom/sub relationship is that the sub's body belongs to the Dom. He is the one who chooses what sorts of pleasure she receives and when. Often the Dom will even forbid the sub to wear clothing (in private) because he wants to see that body, which is his. 

So why does this boundary not get crossed, not even in a sub-genre devoted to pushing and crossing boundaries?

It is ingrained now in the modern psyche that the decision to have a child is entirely the woman's, with the man having no say. This is due both to the ubiquity of contraception, both male and female, and to the existence of legalized abortion. Even if a man managed to impregnate a woman, despite her contraceptive use, she could simply abort the child. Pregnancy is the woman's decision to make, and even a Dom, it seems, cannot get past that. A Dom can call his sub “pet”, can put a collar around her neck and call her his property, can choose what clothing she wears – or even if she wears any at all. He can physically discipline her. But he cannot impregnate her?

Yeah, good luck finding that picture.


I do not have a Dom/sub relationship with my husband. It's too much trouble, and I'm not into pain. But, to be honest, he is a dominating sort of man. And in my world, the world of a devout Catholic, neither abortion nor contraception shows up. At all.

What can I say? He got me pregnant – again. He has taken that step of ultimate domination, has shown his authority over my body by forcing me to bear his seed. So Baby #7 is on the way! And, by the way, I am delighted. I enjoy my husband's masculinity, his authority, his power, and the fact that he has these things does not in any way diminish me. I rejoice in his Kingship, and it makes me a Queen.

Can I please read a Dom/sub story wherein the hero shows this ultimate dominion? I would love to read one.



  1. Nice article. I would like to add a musing of my own. The second half of the dom/sub relationship is the sub. If impregnation is the ultimate dom (and I would agree that it is) being willingly impregnated is the ultimate sub move. Not only does it demonstrate the ownership of the sub's body for the immediate future, (around 9 months or so) but creates an entirely new relationship between the sub and a new life. A relationship that is fraught with non-sexual sub/dom power struggles and requires a complete change in the lifestyle and reduces the autonomy of the sub for years. Unlike a lot of bedroom activities, this has a deep and real effect on the sub's life for years to come.

    Admittedly the amount of lifestyle change that ones goes through is considerably less when it's your seventh as opposed to your first, but it does not lessen the responsibility or the commitment involved in submitting to this.

    To willingly enter into this requires the sub to trust the dom in ways that go far beyond sex or pain. Sub/dom is at it's heart an exploration of trust, and the willingness to trust another with not only your safety or pleasure, but with the life of your child requires an amount of trust that few examine.

    Congratulations to both of you and to the impressive amount of trust that you have for each other. To willingly and joyously place your life in the hands of another is one of the most beautiful and astounding pleasures that one can have. And to see a new life made as a result of that trust is nothing short of a miracle.


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